You Lied
by theprofessormordinsolus
Summary: "You let me go, but I'll never be free from you. Not from your eyes, your smile, memories I wish I could erase. You made a mark in my life and burned me too deeply for me to ever forget. I am forever enslaved to you."


Dear Dal,

I remember you telling me that you'd never hurt me. You lied. You said that as long as you were near no one would ever hurt me; but you lied. You said we'd never end up like my parents.

You lied.

You lied.

You lied.

Is that all you know how to do? Was the truth so difficult to say? You didn't have to keep pretending. I knew you didn't love me. You never did. I was a toy, a distraction. Sylvia was the only woman you had any sort of affection for. I was something you could use and throw away when you wanted.

I was the little Soc girl who thought she didn't have anything to lose. I was wrong, though. I had my heart to lose. My heart, my soul, my life. I gave it all to you and you took it. You took it, shred it, broke me down until I was nothing. But I kept coming back because you said you loved me.

You lied.

My mama told me you were trouble. I _knew_ you were trouble. I knew that you were dangerous, a criminal, a hood. I knew you'd end up hurting me, knew you'd end up leaving me like my father. But you told me you loved me.

But I knew you. You were afraid to love. You were burned too many times when you were young by your mother, you father, sometimes even you siblings and you gave it all up: the idea of love, marriage, and happily ever after. And when I said those three words, I saw the hesitance in your smile and the look in your eyes when you said it back to me. I wasn't surprised that you lied.

You ran away.

Maybe it was too hard to accept. Maybe no one had ever said "I love you". Maybe you were scared. Whatever it was, I'm not angry. You're just a little boy disguised as a man.

You were a tragedy, a disaster, a catastrophe.

I didn't expect much from you.

But did you have to lie?

You never thought much about my feelings. You didn't care about all the things I did for you, what I gave up for you. You sneered at me and tore me down until I was in tears and screaming "I hate you!" at the top of me lungs. You weren't happy unless I was miserable.

Did it give you some sort of pleasure when you saw me in the rain, yelling and screaming, nearly falling apart?

You _promised_ you'd never leave me. You _promised_ you'd never hurt me. You _promised_ you'd always protect me. You said you loved me.

_You lied._

You always lied to me. Why? Didn't I deserve to know the truth?

You once asked me why I stayed when you treated me so horribly. I hadn't an answer then. When you asked, we were only friends. I didn't love you. But now that I have loved you, I do have an answer. It didn't matter how harsh your words were or how many times you told me to get lost, I knew that you never wanted to be alone.

I wasn't going to leave you. You needed me. I couldn't fix you, and frankly, I didn't want to. You were a mess. But you needed someone who'd really listen to, someone who wouldn't run away once they heard everything you'd done. I wasn't afraid of you.

I thought you'd listen to me. You said you would. But you lied, once again. What a shocker. But that one lie changed everything, didn't it?

As I write this letter on a plane flying to Ireland, I think back to the night that you told me to leave and never come back. Sylvia had slithered her way back and, like always, you took her back. You didn't want me around. I just wish you had listened. What I had to say was huge. But you blew me off and told me to never come back.

So, here I am two months later, five months pregnant, on my way to Dublin. When you get this letter, I don't care what you do with it. You can read it, you can throw it away but is won't change the fact that the child growing in my womb is yours, not Tim's, not anyone else's. It's yours. You don't have to like it. You can deny it. But it's true.

I was never with anyone else.

I never lied.

I always loved you.

I remember you saying once that you'd never let me go, that I was yours forever. You didn't stop me when I walked into the Curtis home last night and said I was going away for a long time.

You let me go.

You let me go, but I'll never be free from you. Not from your eyes, your smile, memories I wish I could erase. You made a mark in my life and burned me too deeply for me to ever forget. I am forever enslaved to you.

I doubt that we'll ever see each other again. I don't regret leaving. I never will. But I need to say something before I end this letter.

When you first walked into the Dingo that September night, I never realized by saying hello, my whole world would be altered forever. I was a young girl. You knew better. I practically worshipped you, didn't I? It was like me whole world stopped for a moment, shifted, and began to revolve around you. It was unhealthy. I didn't see it then, but I do now. It was wrong. You played me, you used me and—and I let you. I was naïve. I believed you'd be good to me.

You know that girl you met two years ago? She ran home crying when you first yelled at her. She loved you.

I loved you.

But now as the plane descends for its landing, I realize, things would have still end this way. You and I would never have worked out anyway. You were a Greaser. I'm a Soc. We came from two different worlds where we were taught to hate each other.

Dallas Winston, this is it. This is my goodbye. You won't ever hear from me again. Tell the boys I love them, won't you?

Now that I've run away, will you chase me, like you said you would?

Or was that just another lie?


End file.
